Why I am feeling like this?
A poem which came this morning.
A sadness sits on my chest.
Grief tests its strength
In my gut.
Tears patrol behind my eyes.
Sobs marshall themselves
In my ragged breath.
Yet I cannot weep.
Unless the weeping will make a difference.
Unless I know why I weep.
And for whom?
Is it just me?
For it feels so much
Like self-pity, and I have been taught
That that is selfishness.
There is something there, though.
To which I should give my attention.
For to look upon this tortured world
And not be moved to tears,
Surely
THAT is selfishness?
So call this a season of lament, of intercession,
Dress it how you will,
BUT
Perhaps this is the Spirit,
Praying for us with groans
That words cannot express?
So let the tears come, and may God use them how He will.
I just loved your poem - thank you David. I think we feel a cosmic sadness for it seems that our world is hurtling into another catastrophy.
Etty Hillesum was a young Jewish woman in Amsterdam when Hitler was closing in. Her diary, Etty Hillesum: An Interrupted Life — the Diaries, 1941-1943 and Letters from Westerbork, were published posthumously.
She died in Westerbork concentration camp.
She wrote:
“Ought we not, from time to time, open ourselves up to cosmic sadness? Your sorrow must become an integral part of yourself. You mustn’t run away from it, but bear it like an adult… Give your sorrow all the space and shelter in yourself that is its due, for if everyone bears their grief honestly and courageously, the sorrow that now fills the world will abate.
But if you do not clear a decent shelter for your sorrow, and instead reserve most of the space inside you for hatred and thoughts of revenge — from which new sorrows will be born for others — then sorrow will never cease in this world and will multiply.”
I like your poem very much! And I feel what you feel, not only sadness but some anger at the pain and suffering throughout our world. The anger is toward the tyrants and their inhumanity toward others, for the sake of their own power and greed! But, we know they will fall, and will not last forever. Good will win out in the end, this we know, because God is ultimately in control. But for the meantime, the Spirit of God surely groans in pain with us, at this utter lack of Love and human decency that is happening right now. And all our tears and anguish have a purpose, to soften our hearts and to become prayers for those suffering.